Landlord wanted

Due to the untimely demise of our landlord Mr. Ralph Furley, we have the following advertisement to post:

Apartment available. Lovely two bedroom can now be yours. In lieu of rent you should expect to fix the pipes of the two ladies and one man living upstairs. Also you might be expected to post "Wet Paint" and "Caution Slippery" signs along the walkway leading to the apartments, since in the past the lack of these has led to many accidents. All medical expenses will be covered in the position.

Occasional high-jinx are required, but no heavy lifting. You should have ample time to enjoy a lovely evening or two at the Regal Beagle next door. Please apply in person. Those who have a problem with alternative lifestyles and bad backs should not apply. Come and knock on our door, we'll be waiting for you.