A horrifying story of escape, baseball, depravation, deviancy, load of spelling mistakes and the Spice Girls, as featured on National Public Radio

In case you are wondering, I am the one on the left. The guy in the middle is my "mortal enemy" Shane Rhyne and the other fellow is my friend Mike "Dorseyman" Dorsey. All of us used to work together in Presidential Cafeteria. Mike and I were quickly beaten into submission by our new boss, Shane. He used to force us to porter, and bring out ice, and clean out the machines, and do the salad bar; but mostly he would force us to go to baseball games almost every night. Then Mike got married and escaped the hell of Shane. I stayed single and suffered.

One day I pursuaded Mike to join Shane and me on a trip to Nashville to see the Spice Girls, a band my friend John Tankersley had heard about on National Public Radio. I thought maybe I could pursued the girls to let me go on the road with them, so I could escape the unrelenting hell that all of those minor league baseball games were. But I didn't get to meet them, even though Mike's wife actually gave him permission to have sex with one if we had to even things out (since there were only four girls then, not the original five).

Finally one day I had an idea. Brilliant one actually. What if Shane got married? Would he torture me less? Would he let me finally pursue my dream of being an overseas teacher? Would he finally stop making me go to baseball games? So I introduced Shane to Ruth and they hit it off. A month later I was on my way to China. So as you can see I have escaped. Boy, do I miss going to all of those minor league baseball games. I wish Shane would become my boss again. He is thinking of being a teacher. Knowing his work effort, I'd say he'd be the superintendent within three weeks.