New Teachers

Sometimes it is difficult to get teachers to come to Kuwait. I don't know why, but some people are just a little nervous about coming here. Fortunately this year we were able to get all of
our new teachers hired in time. On the left you can meet one of our new techers, John Mark Karr. John comes to us from Thailand and will be teaching in our elementary school this year. John was highly recommended last year by one of our English teachers. We are really looking forward to him working this year in our Elementary school. So welcome aboard John.

Back in Kuwait

Ahlan wa salan: Welcome back to Kuwait. Well I have been here for about a week. I am so happy to be back. I have had a great summer, but now it is time for some teaching. I really love my job here. I just hope this year is as great as last.

The weather: well it's hot. It has been over 50 degrees celcius the last few days, so I don't spend a lot of time outside. I tried to move a few things to my new room the other day and I thought I would die. I must carry water everywhere.

I think this is going to be a good year to explore the Middle East (sans Lebanon of course). Maybe some time in Yemen and Oman are in order. Yemen now has a situation where you can get a visa at the airport, which is great. I am thinking of Christmas there, unless I do an Arabic course this school year, which would be a great way to spend my evenings.

I got a new neighbor, which is great. He is a friend from my first day here. We were roommates at the New Park Hotel when we arrived three years ago, and now I don't have to smell marijuana smoke , like I have had to the last few years because of my former neighbor. Praise the lord, Allahu Akbar.

This year I am teaching three different classes: 10th grade Humanities, which will focus mostly on government in history; Philosophy, which is the ultimate dead-white guy kind of course; and Theory of Knowledge, which is an okay class where kids think a lot about thinking. Should be great fun. And it looks like my classes will be smaller this year as well. I like teaching here, but sometimes the whippersnappers are a little noisy. So maybe smaller classes will keep me sane.

I have met a few new teachers. I am sure they are confused now and are wondering what they have gotten themselves into. I hope they like there time here.

On the beard front: it is still coming in. Today I was wearing an old baseball cap and an Atlanta Braves tee shirt and I looked like such a big redneck. But I guess it is what's inside that counts.

Well cheerio.

Al Gore is Phat

I was flipping through "An Inconventient Truth," Al Gore's new book, recently and stumbled across this disturbing fact: with ice caps in the Himalyas melting, major rivers the start there will dry up and people along those areas will be hardpressed for water. That includes a good part of the population of China, the Indian subcontinent and Southeast Asia. Ouch. Gore wonders where those 3 billion or so people will get water in the future. It is a good point.

Fortunately for the good old USA we will not be affected.

Or will we???

In case anyone ever wonders what the world's greatest Buddhist Film Trilogy is

One can never forget Thailand is a Buddhist country even when you go to the movies. Maybe that is particularly when you go to the movies. Movies are popular culture, of course, and what better way to express the feelings of the populace than through film.

Recently I saw three movies in Thailand, that varied in topic, but all featured Buddhist themes. First of all, I saw a pretty disturbing film called "Colic." The poster shows one of the more disgusting images from the film, that of a little baby with his hand cut off. The movie is the tell of a baby who keeps crying. His parents cannot figure out why, but in the end, they discover the baby is just the reincarnation of an army general, who committed a lot of horrible crimes against the Thai people. In the end, the soul is released and the baby stops crying.

The second film I saw was another horror movie, but of a more comedic variety. It was call "See How They Run." It is about a ghost who is haunting a small Thai village. He appears to everyone in town and they run to the head monk to get rid of it. In the end, we find out that the baby was the aborted fetus we had to so horribly see performed in the opening scene. The mother is the crazy woman seen walking around town and the ghost's father turns out to be the head monk. The movie could have taken an anti-Buddhist slant at this point, anywhere but in Thailand; but the boy is reunited with his mother and father (who gives him a hug). Then the boy's soul is released to be reincarnated. The ending is very shocking, particularly in this day and age. The villagers are going to leave when dozens of children's ghosts show up, and warn them not to abort their unborn children. So in the end we have a very pro-choice horror story.

The last film we have is a superhero flick called "Mercury Man." This has to be the first superhero film in history where the protagonist has a transvestite for a "sister" ("she" designs his costume). But hey, this is Thailand. The story revolves around a firefighter who becomes a superhero after being stabbed in the chest by a Islamic terrorist group. Seems al-Qaeda has discovered a pair of secret amulets that when combined will create "one fourth of the power of the bomb that dropped on Nagasaki." This movie also gives us the chance to see British actors playing Americans (complete with their accents intact) and Thai actors playing Arabs! There are great scenes, where Mercury Man's powers are released while he is looking at an issue of Penthouse (his powers catch his clothes on fire, and then his mother walks in and finds him in the nude); where a soldier that the children think is inept saves the day; a mysterious Cambodian boy with the power to control clocks; a Tibetan woman who kicks ass and speaks perfect Thai; and a very touching scene where American soldiers fire indescrimaely at a bus and kill Usama Ali's wife and child at a roadside check in "The Middle East." Usama Ali is the villain by the way. In the end it is a strange mix of Buddhist mysticism, Islamic fanaticism, plain old good time anti-Americanism, and a repeated homage to Spiderman. In the final battle between Mercury Man and Usama Ali, Mercury Man gives Usama a lecture on what is good about Islam and wonders how he could have forgotten it. Usama Ali doesn't care and he just wants to kill.

So there you have my foreys into the weird and wacky world of films with a Buddhist twist. I could understand them all because of the beauty of subtitling. Thais put subtitles on their films so foreigners like me can understand their films. The only problem is when an actor tries to use English. Then there are no subtitles, and then I cannot understand what they are saying.

Watching "Garfield 2" in Bangkok

Well I am going home. Finally got my ticket. Decided to leave a few days early so I could organize for my new school year.

I have had a fantastic vacation. I love Southeast Asia, but boy I sure don't love the humidity. I am really looking forward to the dry climes of Kuwait.

Of course Bangkok is one of the world's greatest cities, and it would be easy to accept a job here if one ever came up; but to be honest, at present I have my mind set on Africa or other parts of the Middle East. I am starting to really like it there.

But I won't complain about Thailand. Last night I saw "You, Me and Dupree," a pretty funny movie starring Owen Wilson, Kate Hudson and Matt Dillon. Owen Wilson was wearing the greatest tee shirt. I managed to find the image for it today. I just wanted to keep it with me forever, so I didn't forget. Speaking of great tee shirts, this has been my summer of tee shirts. Fortunately it has also been my summer of cheap laundrymats, or boy would I be stinking, at least a lot more than I currently am. Of course the great tee shirt of all time has to be the "Free Winona" tee shirt that Winona Ryder wore after getting busted for shoplifting. That took a lot of chutzpah. Of course her career has been too hot lately. I guess maybe she will bounce back one day. One hopes so anyway. Who can forget her in "Heathers" and in "Beetlejuice"?

Or maybe the great tee shirt was one I saw in Egypt. I read: "My brother went on jihad and all he brought me was this stupid shirt." It was shockingly funny and a bit dangerous. Kind of like wearing one of those Prophet Muhammad cartoons around Kuwait.

Well, I guess this is the big cheerio for me for a while.

In case you are wondering about the title (and who are you people anyway who are wondering about my titles), it is a play on the book "Reading Lolita in Bangkok." "Garfield 2 is playing here now, and I have run out of other movies to see, but I have yet to stoop that low. Bill Murray why have you?

Did World War Three start while I was on vacation?

Sometimes being on vacation is a drag. I mean, honestly, I think I might have missed the beginnings of World War Three! I am staying in a guesthouse, and we have a television, but mostly people are watching pirated dvds on it. You can see the adventures of Captain Jack Sparrow almost any day. Last night I watched "Matchpoint," Woody Allen's recent, and most excellent film. Of course you could figure out what was going on pretty early, particularly after seeing the main male lead reading "Crime and Punishment." At least I did anyway.

But back to the more pressing issue: have we had an Archduke Ferdinand moment? Are the powers lining up against one another in some subtle, slippy, sneaky, secretive way? I guess I could check online. I have heard that there have been protests in Kuwait, with the occasionally American flag going-- poof--up in flames. The most shocking part of the story is that it involved Kuwaitis going outside in the middle of the summer to do something by themselves. If Kuwaiti are willing to go outside in that heat and burn something, by themselves, then America is in a whole heap of trouble. Perhaps it was a rally of domestic servants, Filiponas and Sri Lankan ladies who are really doing all of the burning. That would make more sense, and the Kuwaitis could still take credit.

Lots of recent events make me wonder. The Israelis are not giving an inch (2.52 cm.) in Lebanon, and this is in spite of the fact that Lebanon has some of the hottest women in the entire world. I really think the Lebanese aren't Arabs, based on their incredibly hot nature. I mean just look at these three lovely ladies. I went to yahoo images and typed in the word "Ugly Lebanese women" and this is what they gave me. Imagine if I would have typed in something else.

Iraq seems to be on the verge of something big, and the Americans and the British have recently started bandying around the "c" world in public. By that, of course, I mean Civil War, and that is a bad thing. Right? Actually, America became stronger because of our civil war. So maybe all that killing will do a bit of good, though I am not rooting for the decline of Iraqi civilization just yet.

And don't forget the most important indicator: Chase Utley. He has now hit in 35 straight games. He is trying to break a record that has stood since 1941. 1941! That's the year we went to war against Japan and the Nazis. Could this year's hit streak be a precursor of things to come?

One has to wonder about such things I guess. So if you are out there, dear reader, and have any thoughts on the above, or are indeed even reading this: do let me know if the big event has occurred.

Cheers and big ears.

A horrifying story of escape, baseball, depravation, deviancy, load of spelling mistakes and the Spice Girls, as featured on National Public Radio

In case you are wondering, I am the one on the left. The guy in the middle is my "mortal enemy" Shane Rhyne and the other fellow is my friend Mike "Dorseyman" Dorsey. All of us used to work together in Presidential Cafeteria. Mike and I were quickly beaten into submission by our new boss, Shane. He used to force us to porter, and bring out ice, and clean out the machines, and do the salad bar; but mostly he would force us to go to baseball games almost every night. Then Mike got married and escaped the hell of Shane. I stayed single and suffered.

One day I pursuaded Mike to join Shane and me on a trip to Nashville to see the Spice Girls, a band my friend John Tankersley had heard about on National Public Radio. I thought maybe I could pursued the girls to let me go on the road with them, so I could escape the unrelenting hell that all of those minor league baseball games were. But I didn't get to meet them, even though Mike's wife actually gave him permission to have sex with one if we had to even things out (since there were only four girls then, not the original five).

Finally one day I had an idea. Brilliant one actually. What if Shane got married? Would he torture me less? Would he let me finally pursue my dream of being an overseas teacher? Would he finally stop making me go to baseball games? So I introduced Shane to Ruth and they hit it off. A month later I was on my way to China. So as you can see I have escaped. Boy, do I miss going to all of those minor league baseball games. I wish Shane would become my boss again. He is thinking of being a teacher. Knowing his work effort, I'd say he'd be the superintendent within three weeks.

When is Dunkin' Donuts going to open again?

We used to joke in Kuwait about when Dunkin Donuts was going to open. We would say, well I will go again when I am in Thailand. I have been since coming to Thailand. While in Kuwait a couple of weeks ago I noticed that the Dunkin Donuts still wasn't opened yet. So how am I supposed to get my Bavarian Cream goodness when I go home?

Well I guess I will just have to find out when I get there.

King for President

I am starting to get a little worried. People in Thailand are being overly supportive of the King. And the son has been on the news a lot. Everyone is wearing the yellow tee shirts that signify his 60 year reign. I want to buy one as well but worry that I am too fat for one.

I really like the King. He brings rain and has a pretty song that I like to hear before every movie. I wish he continued good health.

Did you know the King of Thailand was born in Cambridge, Massachusetts? This means he's a Democrat and can run for President of the United States. I wish he would I think he would do a good job. God knows we need the rain.

Cheers...

It's not just my friend Shane who's looking hot...

I feel bad for Jessica Simpson. First she loses her man and now it seems like she's left her bra at home. Someone give that girl a hand. She needs someone to look after her. Does anyone have her number because I would be glad to help her out. Christian charity and all.
Someone please let me help...

Things I've learned in Thailand this time

Boy, has my friend Shane been hard at work. It looks like another sweaty day in the south. Actually I find it ironic that it is actually cooler today in Thailand than it is in Tennessee. Go figure. That global warming that Al Gore invented sure is messing with stuff.

Speaking of stuff, I have figured out many things on this trip to Thailand. For instance:

1. I like it here, but I don't know if this is where I want to live. As annoying as the Arabs are here, I kind of like living in Kuwait. I guess I feel I am reaching the kids somehow; and not in a "Lolita" typed way.

2. I am tall. I bend down all of the time and yet I still bump my head. Ouch. Fortunately, as my friend Larry told me years ago, I have a big, thick Viking skull.

3. I am really good looking. Women keep propositioning me all of the time. I really didn't know I was so attractive.

4. I like going to movies. I have lost count of how many I have seen since I was here. I have even seen some with kissing, unlike the ones I see in Kuwait.

5. I really need a suit. People keep coming up to me in the street and saying "Sir, you need a suit? Maybe it is where I am staying; or maybe I just need that suit, and 2 shirts and 2 pair of pants, and tie, don't forget the tie.

6. I wish Lebanese girls would come to Thailand. A lot of Arabs do, but just the ugly ones it seems. None of the attractive Lebanese ladies I see in Kuwait. You know I am starting to think Lebanese people aren't Arabs. I just wish the Israelis would leave them only.

7. Transvestites can get pregnant! I would have thought that was impossible but I saw it with my own eyes today. There was this "woman" who looked and talked like a man, but had a big fat pregnant belly. Darwin where are you when I need you.

8. Iced tea has a lot of calories. I was drinking mostly diet drinks before coming to Thailand but I have taken up old habits, liked drinking sweatened ice tea. And boy am I putting on the pounds. But at least here they are in kilograms.

9. I am addicted to books. I have tried to buy as few as possible but I am always tempted to buy more. Today I bought another one.

10. Jesus is costing me a lot of money! Jesus said we should give to all beggars; and while there are that many in Bangkok, the ones I do see are taking what I can give them. It is starting to add up.

Well those are some thoughts for today. I hope you are all well. And who are you people anyway.

Cheerio

Snakes on United 93

Sometimes I wish I had my camera around. I recently went to one of Bangkok's many fine theaters and they had two giant movie posters next to one another. On the left you had "United 93" and on the right you had "Snakes on a Plane." It made me wonder. Did people take down United 93 or was it some motherfucking snakes who took it down?

It was a funny bit of juxtaposing I guess. Or was it really an insidious plot? Maybe it was one of those Jewish plots that Mel Gibson has so graciously informed up of. I mean that is the voice of Mad Max and the Lethal Weapon guy. I guess this means there will be no LW5 in the future. That is a shame, because I think all good triologies should have at least five parts.

The Snakes on United 93 gafoo (or plot) makes one wonder what other movies to put next to each other. I guess that is something to keep me busy for a while thinking. But first I have to give a lady my laundry.

Red Eyes

My eyes are really red. I wonder if I have something like dengue fever. I probably don't. I think I just go soap in my eyes this morning. Actually I remember getting soap in my eyes this morning. Of course last night they were also watering. Maybe it is the weather in Bangkok. It wore me out yesterday. I went to Chinatown for lunch. God was it hot and humid and crowded. It felt like anywhere in Bangkok though, nothing too distinctive. I had ma po dofu and a beer, my second one of the trip. I sometimes drink a beer but rarely. Surely it couldn't have contributed to the red eyes.
I leave for Cambodia on Saturday to see my friends Blake and Tammy. I might do a little travelling around Cambodia or head to Hong Kong. No firm plans.
Well that is my daily update. Not too exciting.
Oh one last thing: I think I am going to take some laundry in today. Talk about exciting.
Cheerio

You've gotta see the baby 2

Finally went back to my friends Liz and Steve's blog (http://www.picklay.com/) and there I stole this photo of their baby Edward. Of course, most of you are like, what? how? where? who? and perhaps when? But hey they are my friends and dammit this is my blog! He seems to be sleeping pretty good in this picture, though Liz claims he doesn't like naps.

A lot of my friends have been going out and getting pregnant lately. So if any more baby pictures come in I will send them your way, via Mr. Gore's Hyper-space network...

Castro "was a hero to [me] most, but [now] he don't mean shit to me."

It is so sad to watch your heroes grow up and get sick. I have a weird set of heroes. Most of them are communists. I guess I was an impressionable youth. So news that Castro has turned over power to his brother has got me wondering about my hero. Was he a really good man? I guess in retrospect I would have to say: no. He seemed to have been like any other commie thug. It is such a shame that they all turn out that way. I guess that is what happened when you assume total control over people's lives. In a book I am reading by Hannah Ahrendt called "The Human Condition," she says that political philosophers since Plato have forgotten that people make changes to the world, not just some great leader. And she goes on: new men and women are born everyday, and they are continually trying to change the world around them.

So as my old hero goes gently into the night I will think of my memory and passion of the past and of the new perspective I have now that I have gotten older.

Slip sliding away

Something just ain't right with my country. Burger King has announced that America now needs more meat, cheese and more meat (in a bacon delivery system; which everyone knows is the bestest of all delivery systems). And there is also some kind of creamy sauce.

Isn't this burger mentioned in the book of Revelations?

I wonder if somewhere in the future there is a Plato waiting to write about our slippery slide into oblivion.

Fortunately I read about this burger on the same day an obesity vaccine was announced. Oh joy. I just hope it doens't come with anal leakage.

cheerio, chomp chomp